My blog,coffee and camera!: Introvert Interview 1

Introvert Interview - Illustration by Lavender Stew

In an attempt to raise More Introversion Awareness and Empathy I have started Introvert Interview Series and today I'm excited to present the first Introvert Interview with Rin from Lavender Stew, a talented illustrator, storyteller, and a daydreamer who recently began her journey as a self-employed artist and a solo traveler.

Her passion is to create art, stories, and a space for the big dreamers of the world who wish to chase down their purpose in life. Rin is all about into creating and celebrating the authentic self by looking outward but seeking inward.

Introvert Interview- Lavender Stew

Let's read her personal story and all about her struggles and feelings on the way of self-discovery as an introvert.

Introvert Interview 1 - My blog, coffee and camera!

1. When did you find out you were an introvert?

I've always known for the most part, so when I would hear about introverts I would think: "Of course that's me!" But I never really thought much of it as an identity until after I graduated from college and saw just how the world around me expects extroversion to some degree if you want to be perceived as "friendly" and "open".

As I grew up though, I started to realize that I had personality traits that I couldn't just chalk up as being "shy" or "withdrawn"- especially because I can slip into my extroverted persona and feel completely at home if I want to connect with new people, do something adventurous, or express myself in mixed company.

2. Which period of your life did you most suffer from introversion thinking that something was wrong with you?

I still struggle with these feelings sometimes, but the hardest was definitely when I was in elementary school. I was always very quiet in class as a child, and I would much rather read my books, draw in my sketchbook, or write in my notebook than get to know my classmates unless they approached me first.

On the positive side, I was very in tune with my feelings, my inner world, and my sense of self from early on. However, it was nearly impossible to break out of that headspace most of the time, and it kept me isolated from the rest of my peers like I was looking at the world through a glass box.

At home, I can have a hard time as well because my family doesn't always understand how great my need for solitude, inner reflection, and creativity are in my day to day life compared to theirs. I grew up believing that I just had an attitude problem and I needed to ignore my *personal introverted needs so I wouldn't come across as rude. It wasn't until this year that I realized what I always thought

random clouds of depression, anxiety, or moodiness were actually signs of burnout and not having my introverted needs met-I wasn't ever a tornado of unpredictability with "good days" and "bad days"... I just didn't set any boundaries for myself!

3. Do the people around you know about your personality type and respect that?

It depends. My friends now are the people who I know will value and respect me exactly as I am, and most of them are other introverts. I focus more on being my authentic self and taking actions that align with who I am rather than trying to explain myself, so I can usually tell who will respect who I am or not in the long run.

While digging more into my personality and who I truly am at my core, I found that most of the things I'd been noticing about myself since childhood and following me into adulthood matched up with the INFP personality type. It felt like a huge relief!

I wasn't the only one like me, and that some of the things I've perceived as flaws were actually tied to great strengths, even if they were different than what I'd always been taught.

I doubt myself a lot less now, listening to myself first and others second. I've had family and coworkers dismiss my personality and disrespect me for not seeing or doing things their way even before I took the Myers Briggs Test, but at least now I'm more sure of myself and I can find others who I know will accept and respect my personal version of Introversion.

4. How do you get along with extroverts at home, work or in a relationship?

I've always been surrounded by a diverse range of people since childhood, and I easily empathize and look for the commonalities between myself and others to help me get along with them.

I believe everyone wants the same things at their core-you just have to dig deep enough to find ways to relate to them. I actually find myself drawn to extroverts who I feel can go deeper or are searching for deeper meaning in others, and I enjoy that they can pull me into their more amplified world to introduce me to new people and experiences that I wouldn't have otherwise. There's something very freeing and refreshing about an extrovert who "adopts" introverts and I enjoy who I am when I'm with them.

Unfortunately, I can only tolerate socializing, extroversion, and risk-taking in short bursts, and afterward, I'll always need to withdraw to recharge, even if I'm having a good time. I'll frequently go through periods of socializing, being adventurous & risky, and going to new places all at once packed into a weekend or throughout the week only to crash and go into hermit mode after I've wiped out all my plans.

I can confuse my friends and family because I can come across as an extrovert when I'm building up my experiences to stretch myself

outside my comfort zone, but I'm very reluctant to have my time restricted or feel forced into anything. I will do my best to be

accommodating and respect other's wishes, but if I haven't had enough time recharging in between then any attempt to pull me closer will push me away and I'll rebel or become anxious.

5. How do people usually characterize you or call you out?

I react differently with my friends than with my family, so it depends. I'm usually called out for spending too much time in my head and not in the real world, or I might come across as rude and anti-social because I don't always want to interact with others in predictable ways depending on how much I want to focus on an idea or indulge in my creative side.

I don't always announce my intentions, offer my opinions or go along with what's normal with other people, so my behavior can be misinterpreted easily if someone doesn't know me well enough - my family might see me as arrogant, anti-social, reclusive or always spending too much time in my head, because, to them, they can't

understand why I don't talk as much or spend as much time around people. Even my friends can be thrown for a loop if I had been eager to do all the things last week and when the next Monday swings around I want as much distance between my phone and me as possible.

6. Are you satisfied with your current job? If not, what does

your dream job look like?

I'm currently pursuing my lifelong dream of being a full-time artist, but I honestly took a long time to get to this point. I could never justify the idea of doing nothing but art for money until I was "good enough", which will never come when you keep raising the bar higher and higher as you find out how far you still have to go. I kept thinking I wasn't ready, that I had to learn more, or that I just had to be better. Everyone gets a "real job" with a paycheck and builds their resume after college with no gaps in between if they want to be successful - or so I thought. For a long time, I felt aimless and unfulfilled working at a fixed hourly job running a fruit bouquet and gourmet cookie shop. I was being run ragged, I was going crazy sticking to strict routines and schedules and I was constantly sleep-deprived. After about two years I finally quit, packed my suitcase, and happily took my first solo road trip for three days with no further plans than "to go travelling".

Eventually, I had to start looking for work again but scanning the job sites and applying to all these ads that were the equivalent of office jobs felt stifling. It was like pulling teeth. I was working with a life coach initially to help me find a job, but eventually, I noticed that I kept procrastinating in interesting ways. Somehow, I felt the sense "I'm too busy to get a job!" I WAS very eager and passionate to work - as my own boss! I was devouring everything I could about freelancing, side hustling and being a full-time artist. The idea brought me so much joy, and eventually, I had that mental click that I was being drawn towards being a self-employed traveling artist.

Now I love the freedom and flexibility that comes with working for myself. Even if it's intimidating and scary sometimes because there's no set plan or guarantee you'll be as secure as in a

traditional job, it's worth it. I get to work in ways that suit my strengths, go all into my new ideas without guilt, I work and rest when I feel compelled to, and I go at my own pace. I would love

to add "Traveling artist" to my job description someday - going to new places, meeting new people, and having new experiences that broaden my perspective and inspire the work I do, just like that first summer.

7. What are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

I've always had a wide range of hobbies—drawing, singing, creative writing, reading, and anything that lets me play with my imagination. As I’ve gotten older though, I’ve found I also

really enjoy active hobbies that can keep me grounded when I’m feeling too stuck in my own head and need to reconnect with others or the outside world—hiking, kayaking, swing dancing,

MMA fighting, indoor rock climbing, and longboarding are some of the many sports I’ve dabbled in.

8. What do you hate doing that sometimes you have to do?

I know it's a part of life and being an adult, but - I absolutely cannot stand being forced to be at a specific place at a specific time on someone else's schedule with no wiggle room or flexibility. I hated catching a school bus, I hated having a bedtime, I hated waking up before the sun to go to my first job, and I hate having deadlines to meet.

Even now it's a cause of major stress if I'm being forced to be on time or if I think I won't leave the house on time because I'm worried about how other people will react to me being late or holding them up. I can become very rebellious as a result if I think someone is putting restraints on my time or expects me to be on time for something. I'm not trying to be difficult, lazy, or disrespectful of anyone else's time - I just have an incredibly difficult time being consistent and keeping track of time!

9. What would you like people to know more about you and Introversion?

"Let me go at my own pace and figure things out for myself. I’ll come back to you in my own time for the better, not a half-version of myself who’s been pushed before she’s ready".

"Don’t take my silence personally—it’s not about you, it’s about me. Give me enough time and space to myself—to be myself—and I will love you forever".

"Don’t expect me to be more like you, because I’m not you. I can love and respect you dearly, understand where you’re coming from, and honor your intentions while living life through my own lens".

"Just because I don’t share your values doesn’t mean I disrespect them".

Introvert Interview

10. If you have written or found any Introvert-related posts,

please share.

I would really love it if you could give a shoutout to Words for Introverts! Her content is always so soothing and compassionate to introverts, it's lovely!